Faith in Humanity=0

Behold, I bring two stories featuring the notorious "Florida Man". One of these stories is complete bunk, the other is most likely true.

Florida Man accidentally butt-dials 911 while cooking meth with his mom.

A police operator stayed on the line for nearly half an hour listening to them "talking about making and selling methamphetamine,". The operator also detected a "bubbling sound as if something was cooking." During the 911 call a man who identified himself as "Tommy" stated that he was on probation and complained that a police official "had been watching him."

Florida Man arrested for punching protected Tortoises 

Wildlife Officer Tom Reid caught a Citrus County man capturing and punching gopher tortoises. Tom Reid initially spotted a pile of dead gopher tortoise shells in the woods of Citrus County. When Reid returned the next day, he got much more than he bargained for. He found four captured, live tortoises. Soon after that he heard a truck headed his way. Reid saw the man,"come right up to the tortoises, I saw him take them out of the box. Then he put them on the back of his truck, belly up so they wouldn't move around and stuff, and he just started punching them." That's when Reid introduced himself, much to the man's surprise. The man admitted to punching at least 15 gopher tortoises to death. The Citrus County suspect has been cited and given felony charges for intentionally killing an endangered species.